Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts

I can t seem to get them out of my head. I did make a New Years resolution to die this year. It comes on so strong where I feel I need to go to the nearest ER. I still think of when would be a good time to go. I know it would be hard on my family but really what good am I to them. I m irritable, moody, and they don t understand this disorder. Can t see much good in staying in this PTSD brain. Too hard, always tired, tired of the fight, just want to give up. Not even sure why I m writing this... Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/struggling-with-suicidal-thoughts.50752/