Early Human Contact, Body Hatred

I have some normal-ish memories of later childhood abuse and terrorizing. But early childhood I just have feelings, sensations, body memories...What I m feeling in these states is lots of fear in these states and infantile attempts at self-protection. The pattern from later childhood matches early childhood fear and body memories. Basically, the majority of contact I had with my mother was negative (distant at best, abusive at worst). But she also had to keep me alive. Sounds like a recipe... Early Human Contact, Body Hatred
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/early-human-contact-body-hatred.51385/