Self Harm Connected To Self Protection

I know this sounds irrational, but this is what I m figuring out for myself as the muddy layer of self-destruction clears away a bit...what s beneath it seems to be extreme self-protective impulses (not really "fight" response, though having a knife feels helpful). If I can explain via example: I used to cut. Then I had a phase of sometimes burning myself, but more often just holding my knife, feeling immobilized but comforted knowing I could cut myself if I needed. Then I ended up sort of... Self Harm Connected To Self Protection
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/self-harm-connected-to-self-protection.53103/