I Will Kill Myself

After 19 years of PTSD, depression, anxiety and voices. I thought that I had won, "recovered". Then it became clear that it was all a facade. I am not recovered. I am nothing. I will not do this now, or maybe even soon. But I am sure I will die at my own hand. It came to me with absolute clarity as I drove home from seeing my parents. Since then I haven t stopped thinking about it. It is calm and not scary, until I look at the person I love and then I am consumed by horror. How I can think... I Will Kill Myself
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-will-kill-myself.52322/