Cannabis And Ptsd (symptoms)

Brief History: I was locked up at age 14 and tossed in a pseudo Drug Rehab called Straight Inc January 21st. I was there for 3 years. Describing Straight Inc would take for ever to explain. So, if interested, please Google it. I was put there for smoking pot essentially. After 3 years of ritualized Mind Rape, I was back into the world. Fully believing I could change the world, when in fact I couldn t change a tire. That was all 35 years ago. Although new to this forum, I am not new to... Cannabis And Ptsd (symptoms)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/cannabis-and-ptsd-symptoms.38652/

Back For Now. Stuck In A Deep Depression.

I haven t been on here in a very long time, not sure when I last posted - if it was before or after my most recent attempt in September. Anyways, here s the update portion before the I need advice/support portion. Update: Made another attempt on my life in September, was taken in by ambulance, was actually admitted into the psych ward/floor after waiting almost a week in the ER. I attempted because of a court/trial that was supposed to be coming up (more on that in a bit). I did a... Back For Now. Stuck In A Deep Depression.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/back-for-now-stuck-in-a-deep-depression.51769/

I Think I Am Reaping What I Sowed.

I just think I suffer for the poor choices I made in life.......Yes Rock Stars do much worse but Jesus said do you think that the penalty should be greater for the one who did more wrong. No anyone who has broken the least of these Laws has broken them all. I remember being in jail weeping as I was detoxing from several drugs......The meth turned my skin green and I thought I saw Jesus and I looked into His eyes and said I would do it for you........ Hebrews 12 Talks about the chasening... I Think I Am Reaping What I Sowed.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-think-i-am-reaping-what-i-sowed.51768/

Seriously? Really?

Dumping rant warning alert. Just need to scream in words. Just finished cleaning up from a kitchen fire. Big flames. Fire extinguisher. All okay, but a total mess. In the past month or so, we have had two (yes 2) kitchen fires, major leaks from ice dams that continue, daughter struggling with leg cramps that make her scream in the middle of the night, crazy relatives who call in the middle of the night because a) they don t know what time it is and b) they think the police are coming to get... Seriously? Really?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/seriously-really.51767/

I Don't Know How To Ask For What I Want/need

Yes, I suppose this is sort of an odd thing to post anonymously, but I am feeling quite exposed. I m not even sure I m going to be able to handle any of the responses at this point. I don t know how to ask for things that I want or need. That is, from friends, family, personal relationships, etc. I have difficulties in professional relationships as well (ie doctors, therapists, anyone I pay to do a service for me) but it is somehow easier because I am paying them I suppose and that is... I Don t Know How To Ask For What I Want/need
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-dont-know-how-to-ask-for-what-i-want-need.51764/

4 Corners Episode On Combat Ptsd

Available to view on the Four Corners website until 6 April. Dr Andrew Khoo quote "We are really sh*t at taking a warrior and turning them back into a human."
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/4-corners-episode-on-combat-ptsd.51766/

After The Therapy Session, I Am Always Worse

My therapy sessions leave me in a mess, and I haven t even really gotten into the hard work with this therapist yet. I have been to 4 different ones in the past year, the reason I have dropped each one in sucession has been due to the times I was able to get in to see them. A few hours away from work on a workday left me unable to do my job when I got back from a session. After work and I was too wound up to sleep well and had nightmares about the events we had discussed 100% of the time... After The Therapy Session, I Am Always Worse
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/after-the-therapy-session-i-am-always-worse.51765/

Not Sure About How Likes Count...

Dear staff, I d be interested to learn how, or which likes do count. So my question is: Do likes one gets from a private conversation count as well as the other likes from the forum threads? - Thank you in advance for your answer.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/not-sure-about-how-likes-count.51763/

Was This Sexual Abuse?

I m scared to post this but when I was 12 I was messaged online by a man who was 23. All I said was thanks because he called me beautiful or something similar. He kept pressuring me to talk to him and quickly he was telling me about how horrible his life is and if he didn t have me to talk to he d kill himself. He expected me to talk to him any time of the day even in the middle of the night, and if I didn t respond he d tell me he wanted to kill himself and give me panic attacks. He knew it... Was This Sexual Abuse?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/was-this-sexual-abuse.51762/

My Psych Suggested A Support Group Such As This One

I have had PTSD since childhood due to being kidnapped by my father and then sexually exploited by him in many ways until I left home at 16 after that I was raped at 19 and gave up trying to have a normal life. I was self destructive until my early 30s on and off and then got mental health help. I still struggle with triggers that can turn into panic/anxiety which then turns into depression. I am hoping this forum will help me as other share how they are coping and what tools they use to... My Psych Suggested A Support Group Such As This One
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-psych-suggested-a-support-group-such-as-this-one.51760/

Everything Seems To Be Working Out.

So, the last few months I have been on this site writing quite regularly about what s going on in my life and seeking advice and guidance. I have had the wonderful experience of gaining insite from people who actually understand my position and hopefully I have also been able to give advise to other. I just want to post up now about how far I have come in the last few months. At work: I ve been having trouble with work and with getting reasonable adjustments. I am just writing to say that I... Everything Seems To Be Working Out.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/everything-seems-to-be-working-out.51757/

Extra Amount Of Gabapentin Takes My Nightmares Away.

I take prazosin which is good for my nightmares. But I noticed that if I take a extra amount of gabapentin at night my dreams are more normal than most nights. Problem is Idk how to take it right so I asked the pharmacy to dish out my pills for three days only so I m not tempted to abuse. The irony is I hate klonopin but gabapentin makes me feel like I did before I was drowned out by medication.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/extra-amount-of-gabapentin-takes-my-nightmares-away.51758/

Healing From Ptsd While Married

Hi All - Glad to find this site. Been lurking for a while and just joined today. I wanted to introduce myself, but not by sharing my trauma story as I thought I might. Right now, I m too sensitive to see all my instances of trauma laid out in front of me. I m acutely aware of them, but the more I think/talk about them and bring them into the light, the more I freak out and can t function lately. I have a new therapist that I am taking it slow with and trying to build a nice foundation... Healing From Ptsd While Married
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/healing-from-ptsd-while-married.51761/

Goal Of The Day-challenging Your Ptsd

First day on the forum; feeling pretty anxious today. I have EMDR session in three hours...so not looking forward to that. Lately I have been "out of the window of tolerance," as my therapist said. So that brings me to my goal! The goal for today is to really bear down and desensitize the memory we are working on. We have been working on the same event for almost 3 months now and it isn t getting easier. During the sessions I have been having body memories and often scream cry and even... Goal Of The Day-challenging Your Ptsd
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/goal-of-the-day-challenging-your-ptsd.51755/

I Want To Be Me

Has anyone got advice for me? I want to be the happy person I used to be but I simply don t know where to start?. I have to wait months before counselling so I am on my own dealing with PTSD. I am losing everyone, I can be fine for months until I m triggered and then anger comes out like venom, leading to me shutting people out so they can t harm me. My triggers seem to be if I feel shame, unworthy, and/or attacked in any form. It stems back to an abusive relationship where I was... I Want To Be Me
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-want-to-be-me.51756/

My Vet Is Gone Again...

I push them all away, so why does It hurt when they go?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-vet-is-gone-again.51754/

Relapsed

Insanely, profoundly depressed. I relapsed yesterday after something an ex-boyfriend said stung. Drank a bottle of vodka, some whiskey, wine, beer, you name it. Feel utterly destroyed today, morally and emotionally. And it s my birthday. I failed and I hate myself for it. I feel like I m not even a part of humanity anymore. Feels like I m already done, already dead. And yet I wake up each morning forced to carry this empty vessel around.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/relapsed.51752/

Answering The Dissociative Experiences Scale

Once again I m being asked to complete the DES. Several therapists and psychologists have said they would expect, based on the accounts I give, a higher score than I get. One said i was too literal. Years of education have drilled me to answer the question as it is asked, but it is hard when faced with this test. I ve also worked as a data analyst, and learned the importance of collecting and interrogating the data with a meaningful question. I think the test itself is just plain silly, and... Answering The Dissociative Experiences Scale
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/answering-the-dissociative-experiences-scale.51751/

I Feel Like Nobody Can Help Me And Nobody Wants To.

I don t even know why I m posting this here. I don t really expect anything anyone can say would help me, but my daughter thought It would be a good idea for me to try to reach out for support online. When my family is hurting, it makes me feel helpless. I know they all are hurting terribly, but there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes it makes me feel like things would be better if I wasn t here. I feel the only reason I m here is to be there for my family...but I am constantly in... I Feel Like Nobody Can Help Me And Nobody Wants To.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-feel-like-nobody-can-help-me-and-nobody-wants-to.39084/

Fear Of Being Alone

Suddenly, I am fearing being alone. To the point of really huge anxiety and tears. I normally struggle with being too independent. Now this. How do others cope with this? I haven t gone through any new losses to trigger this. I m not sure why it is coming up. I have lost a lot of people in the past, and to survive it, I learned to stop needing people. Now, I feel like I can t breathe being so alone. It feels like the world is caving in on me. I am trying really hard to not internally... Fear Of Being Alone
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/fear-of-being-alone.51749/

Many Boundary Violations In A Short Period Of Time

I don t know about other people, but I find that I tend to have the same kind of problem over and over for a while. It s like the universe decides, "How about if you deal with the same issue on repeat seventeen times in a week? Will that be fun?" Lately the issue is physical boundaries with children. I got kicked in the throat by a kid in the home school group. His mom said it was all my fault and she was going to create distance between us because I am scary and dangerous. I m going to... Many Boundary Violations In A Short Period Of Time
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/many-boundary-violations-in-a-short-period-of-time.51748/

Here I Go Again.

This is a rant about feeling revolted and suicidal. I don t know if I have any purpose writing it. Maybe I think you guys can cheer me up a bit, because let s be honest, you have cheered me up many times. I was rabid and tense the entire weekend. I went running to ease the tension, but on the way back, I became conscious of my hair touching my ear again and I am so revolted by that feeling. I couldn t take it anymore -I started pulling my hair out in public. It was night. Lucky for me.... Here I Go Again.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/here-i-go-again.51750/

I Wake Up Again

I wake up again,pulled out of sleep by my dreams at 0 dark thirty.The trails of my last dreams still in my mind,some of them are violent some arent .Even the good ones make me sad, to be honest i never thought i would live to have memorys or dreams of the past .As I set on the edge of the bed thinking while letting the dreams fade,I wonder when my life will begin and my past will end.Yea i know ,both will stay the same i just have to push on . but i cant help but wonder what life would have... I Wake Up Again
https://www.mycombatptsd.com/threads/i-wake-up-again.3783/

Emotional Affair

As the fabric of my relationship has unravelled rapidly since my diagnosis I find out my partner has been getting closer to a guy she dated years ago. I express my unease at the fact that she s getting closer to another male precisely as we drift apart... Lack of healthy regard etc. She defends the situation (were friends)... his text increase regarding here wellbeing, probing further etc. she obliges, consoles in him ...we hit a wall, "I m so confused" she states as she refuses to try... Emotional Affair
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/emotional-affair.51747/

How Do You Think Trauma Affects Your Career?

I ve sometimes found it driving me in TOTALLY opposite directions. In some ways, it has sometimes made any real level of stress impossible. Or making me feel so worthless I don t apply for anything. In other ways, I try to achieve stuff to get the attention and love I didn t get as a kid, or to validate myself. What do you think?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-do-you-think-trauma-affects-your-career.51746/

Alerts On Watched Threads?

Should I get alerts on threads I m watching but have not contributed to? I saw sun seeker had started what looked to be an interesting thread on Working With Body Memories and watched it, on Saturday 7th. Today noticed there are two pages of responses, but I don t recall any alerts and can t see any when I bring the full list
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/alerts-on-watched-threads.51745/

Why Your Family Hates You

I just wanted to post this as I found it very interesting. I like this guy, he speaks about narcissism and all sorts of personality and social constructs that seem to be a part of my life. I hope it helps somebody.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/why-your-family-hates-you.51744/

What If He Comes Back

The last assault I endured was about 7 months ago but the trauma carried on for a month of him threatening me, harassing me and putting fear into me. I know now that he knew he d done wrong and put this fear into me because he was scared Id report him but that doesn t stop me being petrified at the thought of him ever coming back. He would tell me I was the sick one for making him feel like a rapist and I should ve been strong enough to struggle more (despite him being a very big muscular... What If He Comes Back
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/what-if-he-comes-back.51743/

Winning All The Battles, Losing The War...

I feel angry. Twenty years of abuse and neglect caused CPTSD in me. This makes me sad, not angry. The anger comes from the fact, that I fought them. I fought the abusers, their ideas, their power over me. I worked on myself since I had the first bitter taste of hope when I was 14, 15. When I got the idea that life could improve, the idea that the adults in my life were bad, not me. Because I changed "care-givers" (what a joke) when I was 6 years old I could come to this perspective... Winning All The Battles, Losing The War...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/winning-all-the-battles-losing-the-war.51741/

My Brother's Birthday

Today is my brother s 50th Birthday. Two and a half years ago I finally "outed" him to my family as my abuser from as early as I can remember until about age 16. He has never denied anything or confessed to my family. So mostly they all went I about their lives and left me as the estranged child. The bastard is 50. I will be 43 next week.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-brothers-birthday.51742/