Please Help Me Save My Relationship

I m so frustrated and depressed right now I had to vent into this forum. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now, 3 of those living together with my 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My boyfriend is in the Air Force and has been deployed to Afghanistan three times. He s divorced and has two daughters, one of them from a relationship outside the marriage on his ex-wife s part, while he was deployed. After that he has been in couple of relationships but none of... Please Help Me Save My Relationship
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/please-help-me-save-my-relationship.53870/

Missing Meds Due To Illness

Hi there I m currently suffering stomach flu. I m struggling to keep anything down. The pharmacist said I should skip meds 60mg Prozac and 75mg seroquel until I can keep light food down. I have been up all night I still have very cranky tummy but haven t vomited in a while can I take them? I m exhausted and frayed.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/missing-meds-due-to-illness.53867/

Anonymous New Style

New style anonymous working...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/anonymous-new-style.53868/

Researcher's Notes On Personal Ptsd Work

I m a researcher who s started a small research team that attracted the attention of some larger, well funded startups. Because of that partnership, my quality of life has improved enough that I d like to share what s worked for me and what hasn t in my work on taming my own PTSD symptoms. I try to record my observations as scientifically as possibly with the hope of benefiting others with similar circumstances. This is more of an introduction than anything else, though. My experiences... Researcher s Notes On Personal Ptsd Work
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/researchers-notes-on-personal-ptsd-work.53869/

Help With Sleep

My sleep is very.. not really good right now. I will get 3-4 hours nights then none. I am only taking Trazodone temporarily to get me through and it s not really working. I say temporarily because last time I was on it for over a couple of weeks I became suicidal. My therapist suggested that I go to the ER. I am afraid they will lock me up because of suicidal ideation. I m having trouble making decisions. Really could use some help.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/help-with-sleep.53866/

Missing Meds Due To Illness

Hi there I m currently suffering stomach flu. I m struggling to keep anything down. The pharmacist said I should skip meds 60mg Prozac and 75mg seroquel until I can keep light food down. I have been up all night I still have very cranky tummy but haven t vomited in a while can I take them? I m exhausted and frayed.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/missing-meds-due-to-illness.53865/

One Word Would Have Changed Everything

Since I found out that my guy has a co-morbid disorder of agoraphobia, the more I read about it, the more things fall into place. All the weird behaviours and lame excuses and half-assed explanations that he gave me (and still gives me, occasionally), that didn t quite seem to add up when viewed through the lense of PTSD, now make perfect sense. Sure, it s not a surprise to learn that he has it, but agoraphobia is a very specific diagnosis. It s fear of having a panic attack in... One Word Would Have Changed Everything
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/one-word-would-have-changed-everything.53864/

Pre-verbal And Early Childhood Abuse - How Can We Remember?

I have been in therapy for severe dissociation and PTSD for many years and feel as if I am finally developing a strong, observing, adult self. I can track my dissociation fairly well now and have ways to return. Things are getting better. BUT/ AND what about remembering the abuse in order to metabolize it? I have done EMDR and have seen myself in a room with two abusers. I saw myself dissociate for protection, but I don t remember what happened. I don t recall the events that I KNOW took... Pre-verbal And Early Childhood Abuse - How Can We Remember?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/pre-verbal-and-early-childhood-abuse-how-can-we-remember.53863/

Night Time Problem

Hi, I m pretty new here so I apologise if this is in the wrong place. I was wondering if someone would be able to offer me some advice. I ve been suffering from PTSD for a while now (sorry, I m not comfortable being specific yet) and I ve started having problems with bed-wetting. This happened to me before immediately after the traumatic event and seems to have been lurking away until recently. I ve woke up in the early hours to a wet bed a few times. I talked to my partner about it today... Night Time Problem
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/night-time-problem.49917/

Incontinence

My name is Mike. I am writing to get support about this condition I have had for as long as I can remember. I was neglected and severely abused as a child, so much so that my motor skills did not develop fully. But in addition to that I have been partially incontinent all my life. When I was a child I tried to hide it, but other kids noticed when I wet myself and it was really humiliating. The situation got worse when I got older, instead of better, because the abuse continued until I was 19... Incontinence
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/incontinence.12078/

Hey

Well this is me, I have only just been diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD, I feel very isolated and my therapist recommended I read the books advertised here. And looking I can see actually I m not completely alone. Can you recover from this, (I m sorry it s all very new) or will I just learn to cope better. I have been medicated with the view to starting CBT soon will this help?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hey.53859/

Did Your Nightmares Start Gradually Or Right After You Had Trauma?

Did your nightmares start gradually or right after you had trauma. Mine where gradual. It all started when I tried to go cold turkey off gabapentin. I had the worst dream to date and ever since than I notice if I m under a lot of stress I will have more nightmares than usual.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/did-your-nightmares-start-gradually-or-right-after-you-had-trauma.52165/

I'm Here, I'm Calm... Argh, Not Calm At All.

I haven t been on here for months. I m sorry for making some worry. I m currently badly shaking, and full of fears. I don t know what to do. The grounding techniques are there in my mind, but I can t move, I can t stop trying to hide, compress into a ball. I feel really unreal, I can t differ real and unreal. I hear footsteps on the roof, why won t the fears go. Why is there noone to save me, I m scared, I m scared. All lights are on, yet it s still too dark. I can t... I m afraid.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/im-here-im-calm-argh-not-calm-at-all.53860/

Has Anyone Here Survived Severe Me?

spent three years being bedridden barely able to cook, clean, run errands, often not able to at all. was abused thru a period of this time. I m going on nearly a decade of being sick, and it s had a profound impact on my life, and yet there are entire years which are gone for me; I am unable to access them. of course there s some ptsd, but some things are not worth remembering imo. my vague recollection of it was that was nothing more than giant void, a great period of nothingness.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/has-anyone-here-survived-severe-me.53858/

Post Disappeared

When I hit the post button, my post never showed up. This was a post to the new diagosis description/article by Anthony. The new one in the blue bar above. I am writing from my ipad and the cursor was not where it should be too, it was somewhere below the line. Why are the Edit and Preview function NA on here? Also spell checker was not active. Thank you. ETA. It is not a blue bar, but the grey bar as for now on home page only.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/post-disappeared.53857/

Alexithymia?? (struggle/difficulty With Verbal Communication)??

I recently came across the term Alexithymia while reading a book.... it is a Greek word that lierally translates to mean "no words for feelings." The book then further explains that "people with alexithymia experience emotions but experience great difficult explaining to others how they are feeling. They are unable to give depth and detail to their accounts beyond a feeling of being upset or bothered....people struggling with this are unable to translate how they are feeling into words.... Alexithymia?? (struggle/difficulty With Verbal Communication)??
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/alexithymia-struggle-difficulty-with-verbal-communication.53856/

Getting Cancelled On.. Twice

Can y all hear out my crazy and help me organize my thoughts? I know I m not the only one triggered by being cancelled on by a therapist, but being so early in to working with her it makes me question a lot. I recently started with a new therapist. I saw my past one for almost a year and a half, and I like her but I needed other things. I ve seen the new one 3x including an intro session. We haven t really much gotten in to things. I like her, and I tend to be picky, but I write all... Getting Cancelled On.. Twice
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/getting-cancelled-on-twice.53854/

Intro: Overwhelmed Beyond Belief! Ptsd From Multiple Trauma

I have an incredibly difficult time telling my story for several reasons: first of which being, my PTSD and related issues has been going on since 2011; however, I in no way identified with the word ‘trauma,’ let alone PTSD or anything to do with it until about 2 months ago. Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe what the experience has been like in the most recent weeks as I have had constant “emotional tsunami” type of experiences & my mind has been going nonstop now that suddenly 4... Intro: Overwhelmed Beyond Belief! Ptsd From Multiple Trauma
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/intro-overwhelmed-beyond-belief-ptsd-from-multiple-trauma.53852/

No Thanks - I'll Do It Myself

I feel terrible asking this and I am grateful for this being anonymous! He usually isn t particularly interested in romping around between the sheets and I understand why. We have a lovely time when he is interested, however, he can never finish . He can do it himself, but hasn t been able to achieve any sort of climax during any activity that involves someone else helping in any way. His PTSD is combat related and his sexual activity started while he was enlisted. Could this be a... No Thanks - I ll Do It Myself
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/no-thanks-ill-do-it-myself.53851/

My Intro...

Greetings and good wishes to all! I don t know where to start and I don t want to discuss the myriad situations that created PTSD in me. I just feel sick from it today. Symptoms have been triggered - probably from several things over the last week. Had some bad nightmares, awoke with heart trying to jump out of my chest. Agoraphobia has kicked in, but I was able to leave the house and take some exercise yesterday. At times yesterday I was staring while in my home office (thank god for... My Intro...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-intro.53850/

Please Stop The World, I Want To Get Off

Please pardon my French, but....F**K!!! I m so very much DONE with the way the highest of highs come with the lowest of lows. A few hours ago, I was away from my cellphone for maybe half an hour, celebrating the massively successful completion of what probably was the biggest challenge I (voluntarily) set myself in my life with people who once were really good friends before I (had to) cut them off - all of whom welcomed me back with open arms and no resentment whatsoever. All in the... Please Stop The World, I Want To Get Off
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/please-stop-the-world-i-want-to-get-off.53848/

Clenching Jaw

I have had an abscessed tooth for the past couple of weeks. Packing it with Bentonite clay has worked really well. Like to the point that I can now see which tooth is the problem. There is a painted black line at the top of it. *heavy sigh* I noticed this morning that I was clenching my jaw and could feel that that very tooth was the point where my jaw is putting pressure. I am just wondering if anyone else notices that they clench/or grind their teeth and if they have any tricks for... Clenching Jaw
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/clenching-jaw.53849/

How To Cope With Setbacks?

Medication and therapy are the two primary treatment methods for PTSD, so how do you cope with setbacks and not being discouraged by setbacks?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-to-cope-with-setbacks.53843/

Random Dreams...

Hi - this is more a bit of a vent/rant thing...not really something with a "question" I m looking to people to answer...I just wanted to write it down in a sense. I don t dream very often...once or twice a year...if that...but all my dreams revolve around violence, typically sexual based, and are outright "odd". Last dream I was in my childhood home, standing in the conservatory, and there was a giant black wolf-dog outside. This "wolf-dog" was trying to break through the windows to get... Random Dreams...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/random-dreams.53847/

How Do You Stop A Bad Habit?

Have you ever been able to stop a bad habit? If so, how?? Lately I have been gnashing my teeth and moving my left ankle back and forth mindlessly (or tapping it). These things just start up by themselves and carry on, without my even being consciously aware of them! When I do finally become aware of them, and stop them, they stop for awhile. However, as soon as my mind wanders to anything else, these habits start up again. I think they are because I am under extremely heavy stress right... How Do You Stop A Bad Habit?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-do-you-stop-a-bad-habit.53846/

Ever Feel Like You Are Screaming At The Top Of Your Lungs For Help?

That s how I feel, but no one seems to here. I scream louder and still nothing. I am hurting so much and can t take it, I am drowning and I can t breath. I can t think clearly. I am so scared and so terrified because I don t know where to run. I don t know how to get help. I try so many different ways to figure it out. Where do I go wrong? I don t know how to get my needs met. This has been a problem since I was as young as I can remember. I remember being about two. I don t know why I... Ever Feel Like You Are Screaming At The Top Of Your Lungs For Help?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/ever-feel-like-you-are-screaming-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-for-help.53842/

Mood Disorders: More Alike Than Distinct?

Patients with bipolar disorder (BP) and people that have major depressive disorder (MDD) may have more in common than previously believed, new research indicates. These patient groups performed similarly on a cognitive job, and both groups were less precise and slower than healthy control participants. We couldn t differentiate the diagnosis based on their performance on this test, lead writer Kelly Ryan, PhD, clinical assistant professor, Department of Psychiatry, Neuropsychology Program, University of Michigan Medical School and Depression Centre, Ann Arbor, told Medscape Medical News. The research was printed in the May problem of Brain. Slow Response Time For the study, two different experiments were performed by the researchers with girls. The researchers used only girls in the study to eliminate any possible sex effects. The very first experiment contained 202 with BD 266 patients with MDD, and 150 matched control people. Patients ranged in age from 17 to 84 years. Patients with
https://www.ptsdnews.com/mood-disorders-more-alike-than-distinct/154/

Need Help- Witnessed Accident That's Causing Anxiety

I have tried calling my therapist- too late to get a hold of her. I have tried calling the crisis line to talk with the person I spoke to last night (and a few times in the past), but there is only a man working there. He suggested I call a peer line, so I did. That was a failure because I can t talk much on the phone unless I really know how things work and the person on the other side. Writing is easier so I will try reaching out on here. Today my husband and I went to a... Need Help- Witnessed Accident That s Causing Anxiety
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/need-help-witnessed-accident-thats-causing-anxiety.53841/

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

2015-03-08 12:38PM - Sunny Starting my first Trauma diary in which I will document my day to day experiences, since I found out talking to my wife helped with it tremendously, I think doing this with a support group of people having the same lives can help. My introduction is [here]. It s a very long post about my childhood + youth trauma and some parts of millitary service, and also a PTSD SOP which I follow and helps me.... Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/boulevard-of-broken-dreams.51701/

Feel Like I'm Begging For Attention But....

I just wanted to share that I won a scholarship. I know I already posted this in my diary, and it s really hard for me to celebrate anything in my life now without seriously downplaying it, but I thought I d share here to let everyone know. In the course that I just took, (that I hated) I passed with an A+ and apparently unbeknownst to me, my professors recommended me for a scholarship and I won....so there. Why does this make me feel so guilty? It makes me feel like I m begging for... Feel Like I m Begging For Attention But....
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/feel-like-im-begging-for-attention-but.53840/

Have A Solid Laugh On Me Concerning User Name ?

Ah, wondering if Temp Admin is you guys and gals or a user. Didn t want to greet and feel exceedingly dumb.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/have-a-solid-laugh-on-me-concerning-user-name.53839/

Dominance And Feeling Lack Of Control

I m really struggling right now with feeling dominated and unheard. I feel like I m drowning, unable to have any say and having no control over my life. First, I didn t want to go on a family visit, but I failed to say no to my dad about it. They are in a new town that I haven t been to before, but when I got there I wanted to find where to go without being reliant on others, and I got totally lost because I hadn t understood his instructions and they d given me the wrong phone number, so I... Dominance And Feeling Lack Of Control
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/dominance-and-feeling-lack-of-control.53835/

Making The Most Of Therapy

I have a few months (about 3) left of therapy with my current T and though I anticipate going on to have further therapy afterwards with a different T, I want to capitalise on the fact that I have a good relationship with this T and make the most of our last few sessions. Any advice on how I can get the most out of therapy? I currently journal and spend time reflecting on my experience, but I still haven t fully disclosed trauma details (I just don t have the words)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/making-the-most-of-therapy.53836/

He's Worried I Use Ptsd As An Excuse

My partner and I had a massive row yesterday. I feel like I m under considerable stress right now and a lot of things went wrong yesterday in particular, only mounting this. I m not good with things going wrong, plans changing, having to adapt suddenly etc. And because I ve been working so much lately, I haven t had time to be as organised or tidy as I like to be. Yesterday it all got the better of me and I had a complete outburst before I broke down and cut again. I just couldn t handle... He s Worried I Use Ptsd As An Excuse
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hes-worried-i-use-ptsd-as-an-excuse.53834/

Dumb Things People Say

Things people say that make me want to SCREAM.... In therapy: A few years back, after talking about how desperate I felt, she says "So, really.... what you re trying to say is....actually, you re really quite depressed at the moment." Congratulations on graduating from parrot school. After being sexually assaulted "Well, you were lucky... it could have been much worse" -Oh, **** Off. When people say this in response to telling them... Dumb Things People Say
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/dumb-things-people-say.13390/

Vegan Raw Life Style

My wife and I received our results from our fasting labs. The results were not good. We need to seriously work on becoming healthier. We both hate eating meat and animal products, especially when it comes from a food chain. For a while now we have been talking about getting a farm share. We started research for a vegan raw diet. The more we learn and experiment, the better we feel and become more excited. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, recipes or want to share how it has changed... Vegan Raw Life Style
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/vegan-raw-life-style.53832/

Do You Hold Back?

No idea where I come up with these things, but as I was flitting around town yesterday, I wondered to myself what it would be like if we all lived in a town together....as neighbours. I guess I got to thinking about it because I have been supported this past while through some pretty rough times and the questions that people are asking me, the insights they are giving me, are pretty spot on. Nothing that normal people would be able to hit on. I used to live with a friend when I was... If We All Lived In The Same Town....
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/do-you-hold-back.53831/

What Did You Do For Someone Else Today?

Recently I had an email from a distant relative in USA and she wanted some info on our family tree. So I did some searches and digging through my HD for info for her and sent it to her.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/what-did-you-do-for-someone-else-today.20316/

Do You Hold Back?

I have to admit that there are things i dont talk to my T about. I was wondering how many of us here hold back information and the reasons behind it.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/do-you-hold-back.53830/

Physical Symptoms Of Getting Close To Someone

So I am wondering if anyone else here has ever experienced this. I have met someone who i am attracted to and feel genuine warmth and affection for. For me, this is very rare. While most people would be happy about such a development, it triggers flashbacks for me -- which I realize is not that weird. But it also seems to be making me physically ill ..... I actually feel nauseous. Not just nervous nauseous, like full blown physically ill every time I know i m going to see him. What is this?... Physical Symptoms Of Getting Close To Someone
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/physical-symptoms-of-getting-close-to-someone.53829/

Beginning Exposure Therapy

I m starting exposure therapy next week and don t know what to expect. I m terrified that it will shatter the progress I have made this year and that it will make my symptoms worse. I don t want to bring all these memories to the surface but my therapist has told me that is necessary for progress. If you have gone through this therapy/ goin through it, could you explain what I should expect? Any advice on how to cope? Thank you
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/beginning-exposure-therapy.53828/

I've Lose Who I Am

Hi everyone, I m Megan. I m 19 and a few months ago, I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was my best friend. I wasn t raped but it was so, so painful. It happened at my first college party to celebrate finals. Everyone had gone to bed and we were in his room watching TV. He learned over and started kissing me and I was okay with it but then he made repeated attempts to put his hand under my shirt and when I finally got irritated and told him to stop... He just covered my mouth... I ve Lose Who I Am
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/ive-lose-who-i-am.53827/

Struggling With Ptsd From Domestic Violence

Hi, I am new to the forum, I am currently struggling with PTSD from 6 years of domestic violence. I am still married and the violence has stopped for over a year and a half now. However, I am constantly reminded of what happened and I live on edge and feel like im going to snap all the time. Im so depressed and have a hard time doing anything. Anything and everything sets me off, I live in defense mode. I can literally feel my skin crawl. I cant deal with anything. I want to forgive and move... Struggling With Ptsd From Domestic Violence
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/struggling-with-ptsd-from-domestic-violence.52670/

The Email I Probably Won't Send But Want To

I ve tried writing a thread a few times to pose a question/vent/etc, but I cannot find the words. I m copying here an email I almost just sent to my therapist and maybe I still will. I feel crushed and so, so confused. I don t understand what my therapy treatment "plan" is, and no matter what my therapist said tonight to try to address that, I felt there was a disconnect, a miscommunication between the two of us. Like a major one. As in the past year of my life feels robbed. It feels like... The Email I Probably Won t Send But Want To
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/the-email-i-probably-wont-send-but-want-to.53824/

Depths Of Human Hate, Jealousy And The Need For Competition...

This is the topic that has been bothering my for years but I never started realising things until last week and in fact today that I decided to create a thread. There are many reasons people hate one another or jealous each other or even feel the urge to out-do the other person just to prove that they are better than them. Some people spread rumors about other people just to feel better about themselves while others step on other people to climb up the ladder... and here I am thinking and... Depths Of Human Hate, Jealousy And The Need For Competition...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/depths-of-human-hate-jealousy-and-the-need-for-competition.53825/

How To Forgive, If Possible?

I believe my PTSD was caused by 2 years of my husband raping me while he was in an Ambien "daze". The behavior has stopped and I am seeing my T. He, of course, wants me to get better and move on. While I would love to pretend like nothing happened, I simply can t. I would love to have the old relationship we used to have before all of this happened, but I keep telling my self "How can I love someone who raped me?" "How can I share a life with someone who raped me?" "How can I move forward... How To Forgive, If Possible?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-to-forgive-if-possible.40173/

Mother Of My Kids And Learned Behaviors............

I have been with the mother of my two boys 12 and 14 for 16 years. Recently she was diagnosed with PSTD . Now as a matter of dealing with people one boy is super insecure, and the other is a bully to a degree but less as he ages, and reacts as his mother has taught him, from him watching her erratic behaviors.SHe doesn t do it on purpose. It has calmed for various reasons in recent years,and I attempt not to lecture,raise my voice,or blurt out obvious solutions to simple problems. It is too... Mother Of My Kids And Learned Behaviors............
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/mother-of-my-kids-and-learned-behaviors.53821/

Mother Of My Kids And Learned Behaviors............

Although I have always been very forthcoming to discuss my traumas (sometimes almost too forthcoming and too quick) I am slow to let go of my hang-ups . I have a lot of hang-ups that I know are imature and I hold on to them. I intend to let go of them, but slower. My T tbh, I think is impatient. He pushed me really far into one of them in this weeks session and I just found the experience very very difficult. I stopped being able to speak, I regressed to an almost infantile state, I felt... Is My T Impatient? And What To Do...?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/mother-of-my-kids-and-learned-behaviors.53822/

Medical marijuana efficacy for PTSD lacking evidence, says doctor

Many veterans are simply turning to cannabis to ease symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, despite concerns about successful weed is at treating the problem from the health care community. There are a tremendous amount of testimonials from patients with post traumatic stress disorder who say dehydrated cannabis helps them, however there s a deficiency of randomized, controlled trials, said Dr. Stewart Cameron, a family doctor and professor at Dalhousie University s faculty of medicine. In September 2014, the College of Family Physicians of Canada released a record to help physicians determine the best way to use cannabis in their own practices. They strongly recommended that it not be used for PTSD, said Cameron. They suggested it should be reserved as a third or fourth line agent in people who suffer certain types of pain. Veterans Affairs paid out $5.2 million for medical cannabis to veterans across Canada last year. Of that, $3.4 million went to veterans in Atlantic Canada. T
https://www.ptsdnews.com/medical-marijuana-efficacy-for-ptsd-lacking-evidence-says-doctor/152/

I'm Going To Stop Knocking Myself Out

Sleeping pills are an improvement from several pints of vodka. But it s starting to feel icky because I will definitely run out of pills before I can get another order. And there is no way to ask my doctor for an earlier order. I m lucky she prescribes me anything. I asked her if I could double my sleeping pills and she said NO. Did I listen? No. Well, I m going to run out. Truth it I could fall asleep on less. I just have to not need the feeling of knocking myself out, if that makes sense.... I m Going To Stop Knocking Myself Out
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/im-going-to-stop-knocking-myself-out.53820/