I Have A Fear Of Fear Does Any One Else?

Hi I was talking with my therapist the other day and I know it is her job to keep arousal/ exposure high during therapy . But I think I have a fear of fear so therapy is pretty scary at the mo. I am also not stable at present. Does any one else relate to a fear of fear ? During therapy or on a day to day basis?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-have-a-fear-of-fear-does-any-one-else.55343/

Going Outside Is An Endurance Trial

It s getting to the point where every time I ve made plans in the last two weeks, i figure out some way to get out of them, even when it s something I really want to do. The idea of leaving my house is unbearable, and I m not even sure why. The idea makes my stomach bunch up like a bundle of snakes. I m not even sure how to break this cycle, but it s so persistent it s becoming a problem. Any ideas out there?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/going-outside-is-an-endurance-trial.55340/

Took My Clothes Off In Front Of My Therapist.

I was really distressed and in the middle of flashbacks, but this is the worst thing I could have possibly have done. I often go to undress when I have flashbacks but I ve never actually stripped before. I haven t seen her since, but will tomorrow (I m inpatient) and I honestly cannot face her again. I m not overrreacting, she would have seen the scars they made on me and the scars i ve made myself. My body represents something monstruous to me and I don t think I can carry on working with... Took My Clothes Off In Front Of My Therapist.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/took-my-clothes-off-in-front-of-my-therapist.55339/

I Hear You Like Singing Bowls, So Here Is A 1000 Year Long Composition

I was just browsing along the internet, and ran across this place. It s a non-profit organisation, keeping the tune playing, and streaming the recording from a single place to the whole world. Quite interesting to listen to, I haven t had a chance to play a singing bowl in months, and it s quite complicated to use traction to get it to sing, with that stick and stuff. But someone made a 1000 year long composition, and it began playing in Y2K, and hasn t stopped since. The composition is... I Hear You Like Singing Bowls, So Here Is A 1000 Year Long Composition
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-hear-you-like-singing-bowls-so-here-is-a-1000-year-long-composition.55338/

Let's Give This A Shot, Because I Feel Pretty Alone Here.

My name s Erik, and I m an infantry veteran for OIF in 2003. There s no one around here for me to talk to, and our local VA is so swarmed that getting in to see a group or therapist is basically impossible. My wife is a big help, but she doesn t quite understand, nor does anyone else around me, despite their concerted and appreciated efforts. I m hoping here I can find people to talk to who can commiserate, help or just plain listen. I hope I m in the right place, because some... Let s Give This A Shot, Because I Feel Pretty Alone Here.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/lets-give-this-a-shot-because-i-feel-pretty-alone-here.55337/

What Do You Do When You Can't Get Stable?

I came across this in an old thread anthony said: ↑ One of the first rules with attempting to heal trauma and manage PTSD, is to get your life in a place that has security and routine...Click to expand... Makes sense. Assuming the premise, however, that a person can t get stable... Is there anything to be done except to ride it out? Mostly, as I was also just reminded, I ve been trying to embrace the suck. Yah, it s all gonna be f*cked up for a few years, maybe... What Do You Do When You Can t Get Stable?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/what-do-you-do-when-you-cant-get-stable.55336/

"like" "unlike" - How About Parallel Instead? Game To Rename "like"

The Facebook aspect of Like" … gets awkward when someone writes about painful things, and you don t mean to give a thumbs up "like" to what happened to them, what they are going through, but acknowledgement, caring, sharing. Like implies liking, not a compassion for, or similar experience. Dislike is obvious. Parallel: having the same direction, course, nature, or tendency; corresponding; similar; analogous Which of only two opposite words would you prefer or like ; ) instead of... "like" "unlike" - How About Parallel Instead? Game To Rename "like"
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/like-unlike-how-about-parallel-instead-game-to-rename-like.55335/

I Just Need Someone To Talk To.

Hello, I am nearly 16 years old and I am a young sufferer of PTSD. I was fine until about 18 months ago. That was when my elder sister nearly died in front of me and suffered a very unexpected and vigorous epileptic seizure. I watched as my mum resuscitated her and had to call the ambulance. For a 14 year old, it was very scary. I have never been as terrified and since that day, it has happened many more times. The rest of my family have accepted it as a way of life, which, I agree, it is.... I Just Need Someone To Talk To.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-just-need-someone-to-talk-to.55334/

Lost An Axel, Didn't Freak Out!

So I m on this epic road trip across the United States with my 4 year old and 7 year old children. We are camping on a trailer in a tent. The trailer lost the axel. As in... it fell off. When I got it into a parking space there was one bolt left on the springs holding the axel to the trailer. I shredded the tire. This was quite alarming. It turned into a two day odyssey of arguing with AAA (a towing service) to get the trailer taken from place to place because folks wouldn t fix it.... Lost An Axel, Didn t Freak Out!
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/lost-an-axel-didnt-freak-out.55333/

Anyone Read This Book?

It s called Going Crazy In The Green Machine. From the excerpt someone quoted on another site, it seems to buck against the biological theories/injury model of PTSD in the military. I haven t read it and I m not sure I want to read it however don t you think that dispelling the injury model does a disservice to vets and others who require ongoing help dealing with PTSD? The small quote I read seems to "blame the victim" for not getting better. That is, those who suffer chronically are... Anyone Read This Book?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/anyone-read-this-book.55332/

Christians Unite!

I thought it would be nice to have a place where we can share things about our faith, how God has helped us in our lives and how our faith helps us too. I live alone and I often find myself talking with God. Even though I am alone, I am not lonely! Recently I have had the pleasure of finding out that God can and will take my anxiety away when I ask Him to! This has been major for me, as I have had a lot of it. I also find that I will stir up more anxiety not long after He does this, and... Christians Unite!
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/christians-unite.55331/

Lauries Trauma's In A Thread

Born March 23rd 1971. To a family still mourning the death of their 6 yr old son, a son run down in front of his parents. A 6 yr old boy s limp body, cradled in his fathers arms as he drew his dying breath. a family shattered by tragedy that single moment. I would not be here if (C) had not died that day. This event was 10 months before my birth, I was not to learn of (C) until I was aged 11 yrs. My eldest brother (A) resented me from the moment I was born, hated every sinew in my tiny... Lauries Trauma s In A Thread
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/lauries-traumas-in-a-thread.50980/

Just A Little Spat....

It started so unexpectedly. We were discussing whether to spend a small amount of money on one home improvement or another, and he got furious...more than his norm. He s my sweet, passive husband of 30 years. At one point he told me to shut the $%@$ up...totally out of character. I was afraid of him for the first time ever. So I spent the evening in our home office on my laptop until he went to bed, and now I m in the living room wondering if I can sleep in our bed next to... Just A Little Spat....
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/just-a-little-spat.55329/

Up And Awake

It s 1:45 am and I m wide awake. Not really sure why I m posting. Just haven t talked to anyone on anything more than a superficial level. Most of the time I doing better. Emotionally I feel more like my old self, unless I allow myself self to think about people I love that let me down. So, I mostly try not to. I m trying to find music that doesn t remind of things, hard to do. My daughter really hurt me when she told a coworker that I m not doing well. And that coworker judged me. I can... Up And Awake
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/up-and-awake.55330/

The Heart And The Bottle

I came across this book about a little girl who lost her father and then put her heart in a bottle because she did not know what to do with it. http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/05/14/oliver-jeffers-the-heart-and-the-bottle/ I like it a lot. It made me cry.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/the-heart-and-the-bottle.55327/

Deep Web: Child Porn And Pedophiles

This is an article from Cracked magazine, an online humor magazine that is quickly losing the "humor" niche in favor of more and more serious articles. Cracked has an excellent record of research-based work and is growing its archive of work based on direct experience. This is about an undergrad researcher infiltrating the deep Web to gather information about child rapists and run-of-the-mill offending pedophiles:... Deep Web: Child Porn And Pedophiles
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/deep-web-child-porn-and-pedophiles.54307/

Researchers Developing New Test To Diagnose Ptsd

I like the sound of this... PTSD becoming a biotest to thwart all this nonsense that continues to grow about diagnosis. This would make PTSD a much more officially recognised medical diagnosis rather than just mental health diagnosis with a best guess basis. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2015/06/03/researchers-developing-new-test-to-diagnose-ptsd/
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/researchers-developing-new-test-to-diagnose-ptsd.54043/

When Is It Right To Cut Off Relations With Family Member??

Its a very difficult question and something i ve struggled for a long time with. My relationship with my parents is palatable. We get along well, and they are great grandparents to my two kids. I have only one sibling, a younger sister, and our relationship is very strained and causes me lots of stress. Here s the quick and dirty background. I was diagnosed with PTSD at some point during my last five years of therapy. Interestingly, with a complaint of "stuckness", where every area of my... When Is It Right To Cut Off Relations With Family Member??
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/when-is-it-right-to-cut-off-relations-with-family-member.55328/

I Stopped My Ocd Rituals, Cold Turkey.

Almost one week ago, I got fed up with it, and I stopped all of my OCD rituals. Scary? Heck, yes, but I did it. I still have C-PTSD, and I get triggered by my family, this house, and certain music/tv/movies, but stopping the rituals felt so good.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-stopped-my-ocd-rituals-cold-turkey.55326/

If You Repressed/suppressed Your Trauma, What Triggered Your Memories To Return?

I m curious as to what others have experienced. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you d like. I apologize if none of the categories apply to you, please feel free to write what your specific experience was regardless of what happened to you and how your memories returned. My memories of CSA started resurfacing when I was 30. I was in a healthy non-abusive relationship for the first time. I felt safe for the first time ever. Out of the blue the flashbacks became very clear... If You Repressed/suppressed Your Trauma, What Triggered Your Memories To Return?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/if-you-repressed-suppressed-your-trauma-what-triggered-your-memories-to-return.25650/

The Magic Daughter

I d be interested to know if anyone has read this memoir. The Magic Daughter has been life altering for me. I picked it up in an MD s office while I was waiting and it intrigued me from the first paragraph I read. The MD let me borrow it. I asked my therapist and my husband to read it to help them understand me a little more. Yoda (my therapist) read it already, and my husband is reading it. Any thoughts? Any suggestions for other well-written memoirs about trauma? I ve read Jeannette... The Magic Daughter
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/the-magic-daughter.55323/

Ptsd 30 Years After Violent Attacks?

I had a bit of a rough growing up. No father, mother with mental issues and a physically violent family. For 3-5 years I was also bullied, confronted with weapons, chased around the neighbourhood, blamed for things I didnt do to authorities. Worst of all these people were my friends for a couple years. I didnt have anyone to turn to in my family and every day leaving home was frightning. Every day at home was frightning. This all occured way back late 70s etc. I then started hanging out... Ptsd 30 Years After Violent Attacks?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/ptsd-30-years-after-violent-attacks.55325/

What The...?

I feel like the abused woman who kept going back to her abuser by seeking care at a community mental health center, getting harmed, and continuing to go back to worse and worse levels of harm. I feel like it is all my fault with no idea how or why it is my fault. I went to a community clinic 2 hours from my home. I went there because my insurance finally approved coverage for this counseling and I went to get a psychiatrist and some additional treatment. It has been a horrible experience... What The...?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/what-the.55324/

Your Day In Emoticons

For you to describe your day in emoticons when words just aren t cutting it. Smilie help: https://www.myptsd.com/c/help/smilies My day today felt like Your Day In Emoticons
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/your-day-in-emoticons.49343/

What Did You Do For You Today???

Ok, it is a given that as a Supporter we tend to take a back step to PTSD when it is affecting our lives. I think we should write a list of what we did for ourselves each day as a habit to remind ourselves to cater to our needs as well. It doesn t have to be anything dramatic or impressive... it could be just taking time out even if for only 10 minutes. Yesterday I went dancing with my husband which I enjoy and is helping strengthening my back (win win for both of us). Today... What Did You Do For You Today???
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/what-did-you-do-for-you-today.15670/

One Mountain Many Paths

This is a Zen Buddhist thought that there are many ways to reach the top of a mountain. They are referring to different ways of faith and religion. Some of us might find it good to share things that have helped us reach beyond ourselves and our pain and so reach out to our higher power or God by whatever name. Over twenty years of PTSD therapy I have gone to disillusioned to believing in the existance of God even when it seems like he/she isn t there. There was a sign in the Warsaw... One Mountain Many Paths
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/one-mountain-many-paths.50511/

I Have Lost A Massive 20 Points Going From Extreme Depression To Severe Depression!

I did the Burns Depression Test and I have lost a massive 20 points going from extreme depression to severe depression! It is SUCH an improvement! I am only 14 points off being moderately depressed! I am ecstatic at the improvement! I am doing about twenty things to manage my PTSD and my Depression. I have often worked hard with minimal success! This is significant! I had to share it with you all! I can see why @anthony highly recommends this book! I am not... I Have Lost A Massive 20 Points Going From Extreme Depression To Severe Depression!
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-have-lost-a-massive-20-points-going-from-extreme-depression-to-severe-depression.53979/

Researching Subtypes And Typologies Of Sex Offenders

My Therapist has given me a website to look through, it s the Centre for Offender Management. She said after our conversation last week that my memories/recall of the events fit more within the description of rape than that of sexual abuse. When she said that, I felt like I had a lightbulb moment. I m not sure of the difference, but describing what happened as sexual abuse has never felt accurate. I m not downplaying sexual abuse , but in relation to my experience, that label doesn t... Researching Subtypes And Typologies Of Sex Offenders
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/researching-subtypes-and-typologies-of-sex-offenders.55322/

Therapist Pushing Me

My T said she pushed me today. She said she wasn t sure if it was too fast for me and wants me to really pay attention to the after effects. We did tackle a lot in 50 minutes. Early childhood neglect by military doctors, anger at my mom, my first EA experience last week, and she finally named something my primary doctor did in May as sexual assault. That last thing was a relief. We talked about my vilification of medical professionals or my complete unquestioning compliance. Wow. That... Therapist Pushing Me
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/therapist-pushing-me.55318/

Happy Anniversary To Me!

I just received a message that today is the first anniversary of me becoming a member of the MyPTSD community. I just wanted to take this opportunity to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone here for making this community such a valuable and helpful resource to all those who suffer from PTSD or support those who do. I have learnt so much, and the advice and support I have received has helped improve my relationship with my PTSD sufferer in many many ways. I hope that my posts have in some small... Happy Anniversary To Me!
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/happy-anniversary-to-me.55319/