Broken

I don t know how much longer I can stay strong. I m breaking and crumbling and shaking and crying and other emotions and feelings that I can t even explain. I relapsed tonight and it helped...it helped that I want to do it again. Idk what to do though. I know relapse is part of recovery but I don t know how much longer I can take it. I don t want to die, not right now at least, but I can t stay strong and continue to fake it and what not for much longer. I m crying and shaking and I just... Broken
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/broken.55738/