Worried I Can't Get The Help I Need... Can Barely Function

I was recently hospitalized for SI during the severe depressive swing on one of my cyclothymia cycles, they re-established meds quickly, and got me stabilized in a matter less than a week, it turned out to be one of shortest hospitalizations of the 50 or so hospitalizations I have had. SI has been a constant most of life, It was not until 20 years ago I feel safe enough to reveal anything about my Abuse experiences which happened over a long time by different people, and then I was not able... Worried I Can t Get The Help I Need... Can Barely Function
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/worried-i-cant-get-the-help-i-need-can-barely-function.65223/