Hi All

After the SCID-D assessment, I have a Diagnosis of DDNOS, with severe depersonalisation, severe derealisation, severe amnesia, moderate identity confusion and moderate/severe identity alteration. I ve had the report saying this for a fortnight, but am only just able to post about it publicly here. I m lost and alone. I don t know what to do with this. My sleep is completely haywire, and when I do sleep I m plagued with dreams full of meaning, like tonight s, about a field where an... Ddnos
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hi-all.68715/

The Stand

After the SCID-D assessment, I have a Diagnosis of DDNOS, with severe depersonalisation, severe derealisation, severe amnesia, moderate identity confusion and moderate/severe identity alteration. I ve had the report saying this for a fortnight, but am only just able to post about it publicly here. I m lost and alone. I don t know what to do with this. My sleep is completely haywire, and when I do sleep I m plagued with dreams full of meaning, like tonight s, about a field where an... Ddnos
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/the-stand.68716/

Ddnos

After the SCID-D assessment, I have a Diagnosis of DDNOS, with severe depersonalisation, severe derealisation, severe amnesia, moderate identity confusion and moderate/severe identity alteration. I ve had the report saying this for a fortnight, but am only just able to post about it publicly here. I m lost and alone. I don t know what to do with this. My sleep is completely haywire, and when I do sleep I m plagued with dreams full of meaning, like tonight s, about a field where an... Ddnos
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/ddnos.68717/

Seems Minor, But It's Huge

This post serves as both an update for the kind people on here who wondered if I was okay after disappearing for several weeks (thanks, guys) and a cathartic little vent. My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take... Crazy Times (an Update)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/seems-minor-but-its-huge.68710/

What's Behind The Mixed Messages?

This post serves as both an update for the kind people on here who wondered if I was okay after disappearing for several weeks (thanks, guys) and a cathartic little vent. My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take... Crazy Times (an Update)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/whats-behind-the-mixed-messages.68711/

This Is My Breath !

This post serves as both an update for the kind people on here who wondered if I was okay after disappearing for several weeks (thanks, guys) and a cathartic little vent. My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take... Crazy Times (an Update)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/this-is-my-breath.68712/

Crazy Times (an Update)

This post serves as both an update for the kind people on here who wondered if I was okay after disappearing for several weeks (thanks, guys) and a cathartic little vent. My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take... Crazy Times (an Update)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/crazy-times-an-update.68713/

The Good, The Bad And The Splitting

Wednesday I saw my therapist for the first time in a little over two years. I thought I had finally reached this place where I could manage my symptoms. But over this past year, my PTSD changed on me. I didn t even know that could happen. Apparently it s completely normal. When I went to my session, a huge part of me was hoping that she would tell me I m fine, that I m just second guessing myself too much. I tend to do that. But after telling her my night terrors had started coming back,... Starting Over
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/the-good-the-bad-and-the-splitting.68708/

Falling Down!

Wednesday I saw my therapist for the first time in a little over two years. I thought I had finally reached this place where I could manage my symptoms. But over this past year, my PTSD changed on me. I didn t even know that could happen. Apparently it s completely normal. When I went to my session, a huge part of me was hoping that she would tell me I m fine, that I m just second guessing myself too much. I tend to do that. But after telling her my night terrors had started coming back,... Starting Over
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/falling-down.68709/

Starting Over

I ll start. ................ I feel a greatly alarmed. I feel very angry. I feel cautious. I feel confused. I feel Depressed. I feel disgusted with the influences of the world. Specifically tv and its content, as well as, gen. socially acceptable, societal hidden teachings. I feel distanced from contact and/or intimacy with family, friends, people in general (all of humanity). Intimacy to me does not mean sex. I feel embarrassment, for having been so vulnerable in my past and... What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/starting-over.68707/

Marijuana And Sex

in November I saw a hand specialist for my carpel tunnel. We decided after dealing with this for 15 yrs, that it was time for surgery. So, we set the date for Jan 3rd. He explained that I can do a local, but if the pain was too bad, they would put me out. Ok, that was decided. Today the Crane Ccenter called. That s where they do the surgery. They needed to update some info. At the end of the call she asked who was bringing me? Told her I was taking a taxi in, in case I was sedated... Asshole Dr s
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/marijuana-and-sex.68705/

Beginning To Struggle

in November I saw a hand specialist for my carpel tunnel. We decided after dealing with this for 15 yrs, that it was time for surgery. So, we set the date for Jan 3rd. He explained that I can do a local, but if the pain was too bad, they would put me out. Ok, that was decided. Today the Crane Ccenter called. That s where they do the surgery. They needed to update some info. At the end of the call she asked who was bringing me? Told her I was taking a taxi in, in case I was sedated... Asshole Dr s
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/beginning-to-struggle.68706/

Asshole Dr's

in November I saw a hand specialist for my carpel tunnel. We decided after dealing with this for 15 yrs, that it was time for surgery. So, we set the date for Jan 3rd. He explained that I can do a local, but if the pain was too bad, they would put me out. Ok, that was decided. Today the Crane Ccenter called. That s where they do the surgery. They needed to update some info. At the end of the call she asked who was bringing me? Told her I was taking a taxi in, in case I was sedated... Asshole Dr s
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/asshole-drs.68704/

How Do You Handle Doctor's Appointments

To make a long story short, my ex husband, whom I was only married to for 3 years, and together with off and on for 10 because we share a now grown daughter. He was severely abusive. The last day I ever spoke to him, he fractured my face in several spots, which I still have a scar above my eyebrow, and cracked two of my ribs. Because I was filing for divorce. I could go on and on about all the other horrible things he s done, but I really don t want to. It s a major part of my PTSD... Abusive Ex Husband Wants To Have Contact With My Family
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-do-you-handle-doctors-appointments.68700/

Urge To Cut

To make a long story short, my ex husband, whom I was only married to for 3 years, and together with off and on for 10 because we share a now grown daughter. He was severely abusive. The last day I ever spoke to him, he fractured my face in several spots, which I still have a scar above my eyebrow, and cracked two of my ribs. Because I was filing for divorce. I could go on and on about all the other horrible things he s done, but I really don t want to. It s a major part of my PTSD... Abusive Ex Husband Wants To Have Contact With My Family
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/urge-to-cut.68702/

I Was Emotionally Abused

To make a long story short, my ex husband, whom I was only married to for 3 years, and together with off and on for 10 because we share a now grown daughter. He was severely abusive. The last day I ever spoke to him, he fractured my face in several spots, which I still have a scar above my eyebrow, and cracked two of my ribs. Because I was filing for divorce. I could go on and on about all the other horrible things he s done, but I really don t want to. It s a major part of my PTSD... Abusive Ex Husband Wants To Have Contact With My Family
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-was-emotionally-abused.68703/

Scared My Therapist Will Give Up On Me

as of now I don t have the medicine for PTSD nor started treatment. People sat down with me and discussed me having PTSD after asking me about it. If you knew how difficult my life has been. For four years now I have been trying to finish school and this year I realize I couldn t. Im constantly on alert and I hate going to sleep, only waking up to people around me. I wake up screaming and I cry because I can t stop. I was in domestic Abuse for two years and wasn t protected by the State. I... Do You Take Medication For Ptsd?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/scared-my-therapist-will-give-up-on-me.55707/

Healing After Christmas

How developed does a part need to become before it is considered to be an alter, ie a dissociated part of the personality, ie a full blown personality? I ve hesitated to use that word (alter) to describe my parts. But I m also wondering if it applies, and if it would be a more accurate manner of describing my experiences than just "parts." That term feels a little undermining of how developed they are. But how does one know if their parts are actually alters? At what point do they become... When Does A Part Become An Alter?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/healing-after-christmas.68696/

Need Help

How developed does a part need to become before it is considered to be an alter, ie a dissociated part of the personality, ie a full blown personality? I ve hesitated to use that word (alter) to describe my parts. But I m also wondering if it applies, and if it would be a more accurate manner of describing my experiences than just "parts." That term feels a little undermining of how developed they are. But how does one know if their parts are actually alters? At what point do they become... When Does A Part Become An Alter?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/need-help.68697/

Dissocasion Or Alcohol Blackout?

How developed does a part need to become before it is considered to be an alter, ie a dissociated part of the personality, ie a full blown personality? I ve hesitated to use that word (alter) to describe my parts. But I m also wondering if it applies, and if it would be a more accurate manner of describing my experiences than just "parts." That term feels a little undermining of how developed they are. But how does one know if their parts are actually alters? At what point do they become... When Does A Part Become An Alter?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/dissocasion-or-alcohol-blackout.53360/

If You Are Into The Paranormal....if Not, Please Leave. In A Nice Way. :)

as of now I don t have the medicine for PTSD nor started treatment. People sat down with me and discussed me having PTSD after asking me about it. If you knew how difficult my life has been. For four years now I have been trying to finish school and this year I realize I couldn t. Im constantly on alert and I hate going to sleep, only waking up to people around me. I wake up screaming and I cry because I can t stop. I was in domestic Abuse for two years and wasn t protected by the State. I... Do You Take Medication For Ptsd?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/if-you-are-into-the-paranormal-if-not-please-leave-in-a-nice-way.58725/

Losing Another T

as of now I don t have the medicine for PTSD nor started treatment. People sat down with me and discussed me having PTSD after asking me about it. If you knew how difficult my life has been. For four years now I have been trying to finish school and this year I realize I couldn t. Im constantly on alert and I hate going to sleep, only waking up to people around me. I wake up screaming and I cry because I can t stop. I was in domestic Abuse for two years and wasn t protected by the State. I... Do You Take Medication For Ptsd?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/losing-another-t.68694/

"are You Being Coy With Me?"

as of now I don t have the medicine for PTSD nor started treatment. People sat down with me and discussed me having PTSD after asking me about it. If you knew how difficult my life has been. For four years now I have been trying to finish school and this year I realize I couldn t. Im constantly on alert and I hate going to sleep, only waking up to people around me. I wake up screaming and I cry because I can t stop. I was in domestic Abuse for two years and wasn t protected by the State. I... Do You Take Medication For Ptsd?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/are-you-being-coy-with-me.68695/

Serious Verbal Altercation At Work

After a wonderful yet bumpy four months it s over .... my heart hurts but it was a fairly amicable conversation. He said he never wants to be in a relationship and he shouldn t have allowed himself to get too close to me, I ve tried to fight for it several times and this time I m really not sure how to show him I m here and I care without him thinking I want a relationship? It s hard once you ve already been intimate to be able to strip it all back. He said he thinks the world of me and... It s Over, A Big Thank You X
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/serious-verbal-altercation-at-work.68693/

Why Do Sufferers Push Their Partners Away?

After a wonderful yet bumpy four months it s over .... my heart hurts but it was a fairly amicable conversation. He said he never wants to be in a relationship and he shouldn t have allowed himself to get too close to me, I ve tried to fight for it several times and this time I m really not sure how to show him I m here and I care without him thinking I want a relationship? It s hard once you ve already been intimate to be able to strip it all back. He said he thinks the world of me and... It s Over, A Big Thank You X
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/why-do-sufferers-push-their-partners-away.40426/

Manipulation Of Ptsd Sufferers

Have myself to blame. Should have known it would be busy. Second time in a week I had terror at the marijuana dispensary. Christmas Eve was an edgy visit, really crowded before the holiday but things moved smoothly and the guys I know were working. Stressful, shaky, sweaty but no all out attack. Went yesterday, the day after holiday. Place wasnt as jammed but was still sro and not one staff member I knew was there. They have you make your order & pay then you stand in line at the pick up... Public Panic In Marijuana Dispensary
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/manipulation-of-ptsd-sufferers.68692/

Ptsd And Death Of A Loved One

More and more I believe that our purpose in life is to help others. Whether it s listening to someone who needs to be heard, helping someone load their groceries, or donating to your local food bank or shelter, it s the act of acknowledging someone else s existence that - I think - keeps us human. Acts of kindness don t have to be random. A planned act is wonderful because it prolongs the sense of well-being that we derive from turning our focus outward. Kind acts also don t have to be... Acts Of Kindness
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/ptsd-and-death-of-a-loved-one.68691/

Verbally Abusive Neighbor - Involve Police Or Not?

I am struggling again and I am trying to fight off the freeze/fawn dynamic but all I want to do is to go to sleep but I am not actually tired I am emotionally tired if you know what I mean. Any suggestions?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/verbally-abusive-neighbor-involve-police-or-not.65797/

Cheating Caused By Ptsd?

Things have been super tough these last few weeks and I was barely keeping it together till I could get in to see my T next Thursday ... this afternoon I got a call from her office to say she has had to cancel that appointment and I now can t see her until the following week. Really don t know how to keep myself going that long. It will be nearly a month since I last saw her and I just don t have any more strength left. When I got the call I just sat in my car and cried ... now I am home... Just Barely Holding It Together
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/cheating-caused-by-ptsd.68688/

I Pulled Myself Out Of A Triggering Situation

Things have been super tough these last few weeks and I was barely keeping it together till I could get in to see my T next Thursday ... this afternoon I got a call from her office to say she has had to cancel that appointment and I now can t see her until the following week. Really don t know how to keep myself going that long. It will be nearly a month since I last saw her and I just don t have any more strength left. When I got the call I just sat in my car and cried ... now I am home... Just Barely Holding It Together
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-pulled-myself-out-of-a-triggering-situation.68689/