A Strand Of Pearls...

I don t know if I m posting this in the right place. Gratitude is, for me, the single most important thing I can do to improve my mood instantly. I m going to try to add a pearl to my strand every day by listing something I m grateful for. Everyone is welcome to join in, but since I m fighting a battle with my fear of rejection, I will say it s ok if I m the only one who posts.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/a-strand-of-pearls.60973/

College And Ptsd

I am about to finish up my first year at college. It was okay, but my PTSD keeps coming out of no where and it makes it really difficult. I have to leave classes a lot or sometimes I fall into bouts of depression after a trigger happens. It gets really embarrassing because my professors do not understand and get frustrated at me. People have told me to get accommodations for next year, but I am so hesitant because I feel like it s just me. Does that sound weird? I guess what I am asking is... College And Ptsd
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/college-and-ptsd.60970/

Housing, Renting, Boundaries And More...

It all started with mom explaining to me that she was going to give me and my sib the current house, while she moved in with her husband. Then we d use the spare rooms to rent out basically. But it was when I talked to my sibling and they mentioned the possibility of getting kicked out if I was to become to toxic, not pay the rent or what have you... Like I get that if I m being a piece of shit and abusive they ll boot me. I do understand it logically, but emotionally I feel like the tiny... Housing, Renting, Boundaries And More...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/housing-renting-boundaries-and-more.60965/

Self Compassion And Complex Trauma

Hello Folks, I am one of the ones that got stuck and kept being retraumatised over and over again. I got so exploited. I was abused terribly by psychologists who got to a difficult part of their healing, and instead of doing the next stage of their healing they started to "work" with clients. I was the perfect victim for them and their alternative ways. Anyway things have shifted for me big time. And a few things have assisted - doing challenges, being active, exercise, a good... Self Compassion And Complex Trauma
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/self-compassion-and-complex-trauma.58312/

My Anxiety Is Coming Back

Ok, so I have been on klonopin three mg a day for two years. Now it s not even doing the trick anymore. I love to watch dragon ball z and super. The latest episode is where my favorite character gets beat, he may even get killed. I was thinking about this and anxiety started to rush thru my head. It is the only few things I really enjoy watching. So. What do I do? I know my pdoc isn t going to raise my klonopin and I just feel like well wth? I have been down the anxiety provoking road... My Anxiety Is Coming Back
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-anxiety-is-coming-back.60961/

Anyone Else Startle Easily Even While Sleeping (if Possible)?

A lot of times if my dog moves in bed or I hear something while I sleep, I immediately wake up and flinch. This happens like a few times a night, and usually I m able to fall back asleep immediately, and it started the same time I developed symptoms for PTSD. I flinch a lot in the day too, but is anyone else s body on high alert also while they are asleep?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/anyone-else-startle-easily-even-while-sleeping-if-possible.60966/

How To Select A Job I Can Deal With, I Have A Choice

In about a year I am relocating out of state. The move requires I get a mortgage on my new home, which means an employment track record, so I am transitioning my career right now, well in advance of the move. I can t keep my current job and move, but I can consult for them. The level of BS from this consulting work would be 5 out of 10, but it s the devil I know, wonderful people. Hourly consulting wage will be lower than usual, they are a nonprofit. I have a second consulting option... How To Select A Job I Can Deal With, I Have A Choice
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-to-select-a-job-i-can-deal-with-i-have-a-choice.60956/

Suggestions?

In therapy Thursday I talked about and processed some abuse I ve never spoken about. Usually I would have a follow-up after an intense session within a few days but T is out of town until late next week. I m not depressed but I m having major challenges. Laying down I m fine. But when I get vertical, the world goes weird. Not sure how to make it through this. Again, I m not in crisis but I m weirded out. And I had planned to go to dbsa tonight but forgot. Thanks guys.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/suggestions.60963/

I Give Up, Intuniv Fail....

I ve given it a full week, and I feel like shit. Gumpy, shaky, headache, swollen glands in my neck, I feel crazy dehydrated l no matter how much I drink. Intense fog that doesn t lift. I can t do it....the side effects aren t changing. I hate medication.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-give-up-intuniv-fail.60962/

I'm Ready To Move Forward...

So I ve been carrying a lot of weight for the past I want to say 10 years...I have not spoken about this to anyone.. The first time I mentioned this out loud was on a post here.. To say that this site has been an eye opener is to put it mildly... A long time ago I was in a relationship that I believed was great. I had a man who was great and loved me.. So I believed... As time passed he became more distant and arguments ensued... I was very young and did not know what a good relationship... I m Ready To Move Forward...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/im-ready-to-move-forward.59199/

Hurting Myself

I keep hurting myself and don t know why because it makes no sense. I want to know what series of thoughts make me think this is a good idea so maybe I could quit doing it. I know my family told me I was and am worthless and shouldn t be alive. I was forced to believe it when I was helpless and dependent as a child. I thought it would please them if I did it for them, but why can t I stop it now? Does anyone have insight about what maintains the self destructive behavior that I can t... Hurting Myself
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hurting-myself.60958/

Off To See The Dentist

I am off to see the Dentist on Thursday and MAN! am I shitting myself, It has been several years since I last visited the Dentist as I am absolutely F****** terrified of them. I am 45 years old now and still have to have a parent/chaperon to hold my bloody hand whenever I see the dentist. I am only going to have a mould taken to fit me an orthodontic Gum Shield FFS.......
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/off-to-see-the-dentist.60951/

Donations 2016

It would be great to see donations increase from those who don t normally donate and are able to give just a dollar or two .... Bit like a little bit of giving back and not the usual donators holding this place up. We appreciate all the donations but it would be lovely to spread the load. If all members donated a single dollar we d be covered for a year. The challenge last year was great and lots of fun - I think we need to have some momentum over a period of time. Anyone have any... Donations 2016
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/donations-2016.60950/

Rocking Back and Forth - Any Rockers Here?

Hi forum, just a wild shot in the dark, but I m a rocker - not the heavy metal kind, but the kind that rocks back and forth a little in tense situations (mostly going to sleep). I find it comforting, and i just wondered if there were any like me here. I m assuming it s similar to being rocked in the womb or cradle. Strangely, it takes no physical effort, and I am rarely aware that I m doing it. It had to be pointed out to me.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/rocking-back-and-forth-any-rockers-here.2021/

Getting Very Close Then Suddenly Breaking Up

Hi--I m new here and have already been overwhelmed with all the kindness and support members have shown to me. You all seem so brave and good, you make me want to cry. So many thanks for that!! I m a woman in love with a diagnosed and I think minimally treated combat ptsd guy (Gulf War) who I ve dated on-and-off for nearly 2 years now, with that pull close-push away thing you all have described. This last time, (about 3 weeks ago) it seems like a much stronger, final push away than he s... Getting Very Close Then Suddenly Breaking Up
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/getting-very-close-then-suddenly-breaking-up.47758/

Who Had Earliest Of Early Traumas?

And how do they think they ve affected you? I had a couple assaults as an adult, one I mostly remember. I tried to kill myself after that one...a few times. But I also think I understand the limited way the effects my life (I don t date...but I think that stems back to really ancient problems connecting...and this is obviously harder to work with). So, I was a sick fetus, growing in a stressed out mom. I had some congenital abnormalities and was too tiny and unable to breathe when born so... Who Had Earliest Of Early Traumas?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/who-had-earliest-of-early-traumas.53424/

In Coming My Birthday...in Coming Depression...

Not even sure why Im posting this (as always). My birthday is techinally in 4 days on the 9th and from exactly a month before which is my mom s birthday, to mine and a bit beyond (the baby my mom lost at 2 hrs old is a few days before mine, 2 yrs before) was likely the worst time back then. Punished for being born, for being a girl, for not being the baby boy that died and was the "wanted one" (god how many time Ive heard that phrase)! For breathing, for looking at someone, for... In Coming My Birthday...in Coming Depression...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/in-coming-my-birthday-in-coming-depression.60947/

People Think I Should Write...my

I m bound to receive a lot of negative flack and responses to this post, and I m okay with that. Mostly, I just need some place to put this information. Hang tight and please read. The past 4yrs in therapy have been interesting to say the least. During this time, I ve come to enjoy(somewhat) writing about my experiences, thoughts, feelings and whatever randomness that seems to come along. A lot revolves around my therapist, and the working relationship and alliance that we have developed.... People Think I Should Write...my
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/people-think-i-should-write-my.60946/

Good Grief; Coping With Loss - Dr. Susan Delaney

I wanted to share this video I found. It has helped me a great deal today and helped ease my mind about some of the thoughts I had while trying to grieve this weekend. She covers how to be kind and compassionate with oneself while grieving, systems of emotion, common humanity and accepting what you did not choose or are handed in life. There is even a body scan or meditation (not sure) close to the end of the video. It is about 54 minutes long but is worth every minute and I hope that it... Good Grief; Coping With Loss - Dr. Susan Delaney
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/good-grief-coping-with-loss-dr-susan-delaney.60940/

Lost Feelings Of Love

So I have question for any willing suffers out there who have broken up with ex partners because they felt, numb or loved them but were no longer IN love with them; • Did you feel that this effect came from your PTSD or from the behaviours of your partner at the time? You see, I have just been dumped by text with no contact for 4 weeks, cut off from social media & everything. She has PTSD of abandonment AND trauma. I assumed it was the PTSD but on reflection the more she got distanced... Lost Feelings Of Love
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/lost-feelings-of-love.60942/

Fighting To Stay Optimistic

Hello! Brand new to the forums, and looking for some words of wisdom. My husband and I have been together since our senior year of high school--so almost 17 years
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/fighting-to-stay-optimistic.60945/

An Isolation Story.

We get a lot of new supporters here asking about isolation. I am a sufferer and I am an isolator. I am just one person and not representative of every person who isolates, but I can tell you about my experience with it. Every therapist and Psychiatrist report I have ever seen with my name on it says I have a tendency to self-isolate. In the weeks or months prior to me entering an isolation phase, I will find that it is harder for me to maintain normalcy in front of people. It is harder to... An Isolation Story.
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/an-isolation-story.59439/

Wtf, Lads If You Wanna Fight, Go Have A Fight !!

Words fail me. I went to the public bar to see my mate to celebrate his birthday ! Then! 2 of our mates turn up with their respective young ladies. Apparently the young. Ladies have had a minor disagreement over "make_up !!! He said to me. "Tell his gf to stop pickkng on my gf or i will smash his face in!!" My otther mate replies, "If his bitch comes near me i will *bang her out* which he very quickly retracted when he saw me move towards him. One thing you do not do in front of Mr... Wtf, Lads If You Wanna Fight, Go Have A Fight !!
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/wtf-lads-if-you-wanna-fight-go-have-a-fight.60936/

Introducing Myself; My Story In Brief

Hi I m new here. I ve lurked on and off but just finally joined today. I was diagnosed with PTSD in late 2013 after going to therapy to deal with my anger. I thought it would be an easy fix and never expected this. My PTSD stems from emotional abuse and neglect, ongoing sexual abuse, stalking by the perpetrator after I no longer gave him access to me. The stalking lasted until I was 30 and the abuse started when I was around 10. I became an alcoholic at 17 and underwent 14 months of... Introducing Myself; My Story In Brief
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/introducing-myself-my-story-in-brief.60937/

Patience Is Hard Somtimes

I m still doing pretty good with the realization that Tater and I aren t together anymore (as much as one can be together long distance in this situation) and never will be. But now I m starting to crack waiting to hear back from him about our friendship. I shouldn t because we ve been taking this one slow, but not knowing is so difficult. Fear of the unknown, I guess. I just want to know that we re good. The whole timeline of things (It s always easier for me to get things out of my... Patience Is Hard Somtimes
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/patience-is-hard-somtimes.60933/

How Do I Tell My Dad His Only Daughter Was Sexually Abused?

I distinctly remember my Dad warning me off that 17 year old boy when I was merely 14. He told me time and again. He never liked him. Now, he refers to him as "that a**hole", but he doesn t know the half of it. How do I tell him that I, his precious daughter, was sexually abused for a year by "that a**hole"? I was diagnosed in December, but I ve been suffering over the six years since it started. Very few people know about my PTSD, one being my long-term partner and the other my best... How Do I Tell My Dad His Only Daughter Was Sexually Abused?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-do-i-tell-my-dad-his-only-daughter-was-sexually-abused.60932/

Pros And Cons Of Going Public?

I m in the UK and celebrities are always going public about their issues, which I think has some positive and negative effects. Example.. Creates conversation about issues which wouldn t have happened (good) May make sufferers feel less alone (good) Creates a sometimes held belief that only celebrities have issues or even perceived glamour (bad) Sometimes these are sensationalised in a way that actually creates stigma or causes harm (bad) And lastly Some regular people decide to do the... Pros And Cons Of Going Public?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/pros-and-cons-of-going-public.60929/

How Do I Help My New Boyfriend Help Ptsd-induced Panic Attacks?

Hello, I m new here, so I hope I m posting in the correct thread. And also, I apologize that this is long, and if it is not appropriate - moderators, please feel free to take it down. I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" of 4 years this past June. June 3, to be exact. It happened in my apartment. I managed to fight off the rape itself, but I got beat up pretty well in the process. He s a blackbelt in 3 different martial arts (I met him through my martial arts class, which I ve not been... How Do I Help My New Boyfriend Help Ptsd-induced Panic Attacks?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-do-i-help-my-new-boyfriend-help-ptsd-induced-panic-attacks.60930/

Interesting Article

http://www.psychedinsanfrancisco.com/multitudes-dissociation-multiple-selves/
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/interesting-article.60934/

This Is My Intro I Guess...

My name is Katy and I have suffered from PTSD for the last eight years. I was 19 when my ex-husband beat me up so bad that I had to have reconstructive surgery to the entire left side of my face. One of the fractures almost reached my brain, a quarter of a centimeter away which means he almost killed me. I blacked out a lot of the event and have dissociation with my PTSD. When I go to therapy it helps, but I am always finding a way to talk myself out of it. Don t know if I m the only one. My... This Is My Intro I Guess...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/this-is-my-intro-i-guess.60931/

Should I Share Abuse Details With My Special Someone???

My special someone and I have just been reunited thru emails and phone calls after many years apart. We have been writing one another several times per day and talking on the phone for a solid month. Although she knows a little bit about the abuse I suffered, she doesn t know details of what was done to me and how it affected me and I don t know if I should tell her those details next month when I see her face to face. So far, she knows that I was abused but I don t think she knows the... Should I Share Abuse Details With My Special Someone???
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/should-i-share-abuse-details-with-my-special-someone.60927/

How To Continue Living Like This?

I m not even sure what I m doing here. I feel like reading the post in this particular forum has made me a bit more depressed, since I am VERY sensitive & empathetic- I feel other people s pain. In my opinion, being depressed and not suicidal is harder than actually being suicidal. Because with suicide there is an end to your pain, when you just want to die but you don t want to physically kill yourself you have no clue when that pain is going to end. I feel like my life has been on big... How To Continue Living Like This?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-to-continue-living-like-this.60928/

Is It Rape?

On a friend s 21st, we celebrated out downtown with a large group of friends. One of them was living downtown at this time. We all got very drunk because of free shots. Eventually, at the last bar I was getting a drink and one of the guy friends was drinking most of it so I told him he had to buy me another drink. He was all over me while I was talking to another friend. At this point, I was very drunk. Somehow, with no memory of this, he got me to go back to his apartment with him. I... Is It Rape?
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/is-it-rape.60925/

1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

I thought this was a fun idea for a thread. Not being functional isn t really funny in and of itself, but I figure if I can find something to laugh about, it makes coping with it all a bit easier. 1) Dry Shampoo. Yes, I love this stuff. I really should buy stock in Batiste, LOL. Dry shampoo lets me get away with not showering for longer than I should. Heck, I don t even style my hair anymore. I just dry shampoo and go. "Of course I take care of my personal hygiene! Just look how fabulous... 1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You re Not)
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/1001-ways-to-appear-functional-even-though-youre-not.59772/

Existential Crisis

Hi all, I hope I m posting this in the right place. I m having a real existential crisis as part of my recent bout of depression. It is really getting to me and making me really anxious. It gets worse in the morning and evening and I m finding it hard to get motivated to do any tidying or cleaning even though I m home all day as I m on sick leave. I m really worried I won t cope when I have to go back to work next week and also I m just feeling so freaked out. Does anyone else have these... Existential Crisis
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/existential-crisis.60926/

Self-promotion And Site Rules

Hello, My post "Embodiment And Finding Your Voice: Workshop For Trauma Therapists." got flagged for self-promotion. I have a couple questions about this. First, could you please point me to the rules. I can t find them and I want to respect them. Second, just to be clear, I was sharing about someone else s workshop that I have found helpful in my own PTSD recovery, which certainly could be promotion, but not self-promotion. I could use a... Self-promotion And Site Rules
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/self-promotion-and-site-rules.60924/

Abusive Childhood = Abusive Marriage

Hello! So this isn t necessary about PTSD, but this is about my abusive childhood. I would just like some advice & guidance please. Growing up I had no positive male role models, my brother abused me (quite literally) & my father wanted nothing to do with his kids. Naturally, I knew nothing about picking a man with quality traits, I picked any guy that showed me attention. So now I m married and I ve never been more miserable than I have been since I became a wife. I didn t realize until... Abusive Childhood = Abusive Marriage
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/abusive-childhood-abusive-marriage.60923/

Girlfriend Wants Space To Figure Stuff Out

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months now. She suffers from anxiety, depression and PTSD. She was open about all of that from the start and I am more than ok with that We connected deep down very quickly, talked about future stuff like living together and even marriage. I have 2 children and she has 1 child. It has felt like a family from the start. We were honest about our wants and needs out of a relationship, both of us were on the same page. I was very excited about finding a like... Girlfriend Wants Space To Figure Stuff Out
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/girlfriend-wants-space-to-figure-stuff-out.60922/

Poor Childhood & Poor Marriage

Hello! So this isn t necessary about PTSD, but this is about my abusive childhood. I would just like some advice & guidance please. Growing up I had no positive male role models, my brother abused me (quite literally) & my father wanted nothing to do with his kids. Naturally, I knew nothing about picking a man with quality traits, I picked any guy that showed me attention. So now I m married and I ve never been more miserable than I have been since I became a wife. I didn t realize until... Poor Childhood & Poor Marriage
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/poor-childhood-poor-marriage.60923/

I Can't Concentrate At All

So, I m supposed to be functioning and all, right. I m supposed to be a good student... And here I am completely unable to concentrate. I can t concentrate in class. I can t think. I can t do anything. I am depressed, can t get myself to do anything. I feel like I m going to fail in school completely. I can t study. I am incapable of everything. I feel like a failure. I don t know what to do. I don t like being incapable of thinking, studying, so on... I really don t. I need to study.... I Can t Concentrate At All
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/i-cant-concentrate-at-all.59389/

If I Were A Unicorn

If I were a unicorn, I d hide. I d dance among the trees. Where autumn leaves would glide And dance amidst the breeze. A petal path would part a way In dense dew laden growth But only for to end the day And keep her coming oath. The full moons face would smile down And lend her knowing smile to spark my golden pointed crown And revel in her guile. And peaceful whispers brush my mane rustling through my mind. Humming birds sing out my name Revealing what I could not find. -mr
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/if-i-were-a-unicorn.60921/

Testis

Test of editor Choose 2
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/testis.60918/

My System Freaks Out When I Get Close To Somebody

My system freaks out when I get close to somebody. This has been happening since I was a child. (I am a CSA survivor.) I have tried the whole bit about getting to know people and building trust over time. Turns out, it never works. For the longest time I was picking untrustworthy people (for one reason or another.) The control freak. The narcissist. The sexual deviant. The alcoholic. The pathological liar. And so on. While all of this was happening I was able to tell myself that my... My System Freaks Out When I Get Close To Somebody
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/my-system-freaks-out-when-i-get-close-to-somebody.60915/

Help..

Hi everyone. How do you get past the panic attacks? The night sweats..the anger? I ended up hurting my pet out of sheer anger...I ended up having to put him down..because of my anger I thought I could control...I ve failed every category of medication for PTSD on high dosages.. They say (v.a) they will "call me" if they have a new category of antidepressants. I don t like making new friends anymore and I feel like everything that isn t in order, or detail, I start freaking out. When I hurt... Help..
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/help.60917/

In Need Of Support Myself

My vet has been distant. Yet he would text me everyday. His messages were brief but always there. Then if I responded or initiated conversation it was a high probability of no answer or hours later a one word answer. I have backed off quite a bit. Then he talked about me taking the same day off work that he had so we could spend the day together. I was so happy. I took the day off work. He tells me the night before that he did not have the day off anymore. We discuss having a couple hours... In Need Of Support Myself
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/in-need-of-support-myself.60914/

Hi

Hi there, I m kinda a newbie when it comes to forums - recent exacerbation of my PTSD has lead me to seek out new networks of support and a close friend mentioned joining an online forum. So, here I am. I m 24 years old and was first diagnosed with PTSD by a psychiatrist when I was 21, but my symptoms started many years before that. I just persistently avoided getting help because I thought all the craziness would fade away eventually but it never did. My current psychiatrist has diagnosed... Hi
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hi.60916/

John Is Coming Home...

So happy and excited he should be home in a week or so. I have no doubt he has feelings for me we met a little over three years ago lived together separated but when we separated I did not realize he had PTSD he wouldn t talk about it but now that I know and we ve talked I truly believe we can rebuild this relationship Anna can be there forever that he promised me when he moved in With the lords help and us working together I know we can come out stronger and love each other as much if... John Is Coming Home...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/john-is-coming-home.60911/

Missing Out Again...

I just had to cancel a much anticipated trip to Utah with my dad. It was a night photography trip that was going to take place in the three big National Parks in Utah which are one of my big dreams to go to. It was kind of a impulsive decision for me to go and I didn t think it through till now. I got the trip roster today and it was all men. (with the exception of one very old lady) and I instantly knew I would feel unsafe the entire time (not that I find men unsafe or think they are bad... Missing Out Again...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/missing-out-again.60909/

Hey

Hey everyone, i hope u r all doing well today. I was diagnosed with ptsd a couple of months ago, but have actually been plagued with this for a couple of years. To be honest i ve been checking out this website for a while and getting inspiration from all of you, but only plucked up the courage to become a member now. Maybe the worst for me is that im actually still in the situation so its real... and that i find it impossible to talk ... i love writing and express myself through that but... Hey
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/hey.60910/

Today, My Husband Messaged Me With This...

My husband messaged me today from work. I don t know how I feel about this, or what to even say. When I say that I wish I can help you, it s because I feel like you are in a box. A box filled with levers and switches that change function randomly. I am outside this box, and occasionally you ll hit a button that ll open a window of a hole in this box where I can see you or touch you. Other times, a switch will cause something to hit me. I know you are trying to get out and doing what you... Today, My Husband Messaged Me With This...
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/today-my-husband-messaged-me-with-this.59394/