Think About Suicide A Lot

I am experiencing corrosive self doubt on and off - even when I am more than capable of doing a thing or have done that in the past. So I keep going to learn the same things over and over. It is really hard for me to manage to be present in my own body sometimes because it is so full on. Laurence Heller writes about it a bit in his book "Healing Developmental Trauma". He writes about kids that were taught to give themselves away. That book is dense reading though. I am feeling that I am so... Corrosive Self Doubt
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/think-about-suicide-a-lot.63137/