Look At This Wonderful Sweet Man.. What Do You Think?

I ve never done anything like this but I have to do something, and for some reason I can t even imagine seeing a shrink. But I m only 19 and for years, honestly as far back as I remember I have always had violent tendencies or I would be very calm then breakdown and actually would hurt other kids I was (age 6-17) but that has stopped but now I am constantly plagued by constant thoughts of killing loved ones dreams so real I wake up actually I committed those atrocities that I committed in my... Its Just Me I Guess
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/look-at-this-wonderful-sweet-man-what-do-you-think.62734/