How To Live With The Shame Of Not Having Had A Life?

Hey guys. So with everything thats been going on these days I have fallen back into cutting myself. To those who saw my other post you already have an idea of whats going on. I m being looked at as a liar and thats something that can t be changed. At least not now. My adoption mother is making me look horrible (like she always does) I have enough medication to put myself to sleep and never wake up. Do you have any idea how tempted I am. I tried to overdose a few weeks ago. Took enough... I ve Fallen Back Into My Depression *trigger Warning*
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/how-to-live-with-the-shame-of-not-having-had-a-life.66496/