Emotionlessness - Control Freak Or Lack Of Trust?

I m really struggling today. I m going on holiday in a couple of days - this is a trigger for me after the attack. I promised my T that I could keep myself safe but I m not sure I can. I phoned a helpline and they were useless - just wanted to talk about the details of the attack, not about what I was worried about. Then she asked if I d helped anyone - I couldn t and this is a constant source of Guilt for me so I hung up. Just wish this living hell would end. Sorry from the rant
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/emotionlessness-control-freak-or-lack-of-trust.65762/