Always Looking At Deaths Door

I startet this chain of thoughts couple of years ago when I got sick leave from work due fatigue syndrom in combo with ptsd. All my life no matter what Ive gone through Ive sweared to my self that there is certain paths I will not go down. Like self harm and sucicidal thoughts. I tried yet again to get help. Seems Ive spend my entire life trying to get the help I need according to traumas Ive survived. Without sucess. They told me among other things instead of asking for help I should be... Found The Place And Its Scary
https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/always-looking-at-deaths-door.63519/